Enhanced descriptions from Syndetics:

"An amazingly moving and emotional story that any woman―or any parent―can easily relate to." ―Jennifer Hamilton, Editor, Canadian Family magazine Expecting Sunshine is a multi-award-winning memoir and a Kirkus Review BEST INDIE BOOK of 2017 Anyone who has experienced--or knows someone who has experienced--miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, or other forms of pregnancy and baby loss should read Expecting Sunshine , including those considering or already pregnant again. After her son, Zachary, dies in her arms at birth, visual artist and author Alexis Marie Chute disappears into her "Year of Distraction." She cannot paint or write or tap into the heart of who she used to be, mourning not only for Zachary, but also for the future they might have had together. It is only when Chute learns she is pregnant again that she sets out to find healing and rediscover her identity--just in time, she hopes, to welcome her next child. In the forty weeks of her pregnancy, Chute grapples with her strained marriage, shaken faith, and medical diagnosis, with profound results. Glowing with riveting and gorgeous prose, Expecting Sunshine chronicles the anticipation and anxiety of expecting a baby while still grieving for the child that came before--enveloping readers with insightful observations on grief and healing, life and death, and the incredible power of a mother's love. Letter from a reader: I just finished your beautiful book Expecting Sunshine and felt compelled to reach out and say thank you.A few days after I found out I miscarried, a few days before my D&C, I went to Barnes & Noble in hopes of finding a guidebook or self-help book of how to heal and cope with miscarriage or loss of a child. I searched every feasible location: self-help, psychology, family planning, childcare. With tears in my eyes I was too embarrassed to ask anyone at the counter for help. There I was already utterly heartbroken and feeling more alone than ever. Not a single book for me to turn to. I pulled out my phone, googled "books about miscarriage" and found your book and ordered it on the spot.It must not have been easy for you and your family to share your story, but I hope you know what an impact you've had on me and likely so many other women.You've given me so much hope for my year ahead.--Katie Rhodes, Oakland, Californiawww.ExpectingSunshine.com

Table of contents provided by Syndetics

• Conception (p. 1)
• Part 1 First Trimester
• Week 1 Baby Shower (p. 6)
• Week 2 Seasons (p. 10)
• Week 3 Mourning Together (p. 16)
• Week 4 Planting and Building (p. 24)
• Week 5 Camaraderie (p. 29)
• Week 6 Get Me Out of Here (p. 34)
• Week 7 Waiting Rooms (p. 38)
• Week 8 Gummy Bear (p. 44)
• Week 9 Birthday Party (p. 47)
• Week 10 Baby's Cry (p. 49)
• Week 11 Painting (p. 53)
• Week 12 The Elephant (p. 57)
• Part 2 Second Trimester
• Week 13 See Zachy (p. 65)
• Week 14 X-Mas (p. 69)
• Week 15 Resolutions (p. 76)
• Week 16 Anxiety (p. 78)
• Week 17 Painters White (p. 79)
• Week 18 Studying (p. 83)
• Week 19 Gender (p. 84)
• Week 20 Horse with Blue Eyes (p. 89)
• Week 21 The Name (p. 93)
• Week 22 Magnetism (p. 97)
• Week 23 The Business of Happiness (p. 102)
• Week 24 Abstractions (p. 107)
• Week 25 Lifting the Curtain (p. 112)
• Week 26 Photographs (p. 118)
• Part 3 Third Trimester
• Week 27 Snow in the Desert (p. 123)
• Week 28 Sex (p. 129)
• Week 29 Laura (p. 134)
• Week 30 Baby Before Birth (p. 140)
• Week 31 Silver Urn (p. 146)
• Week 32 Meditation (p. 150)
• Week 33 Failure to Repeat (p. 153)
• Week 34 Mugo Pines (p. 157)
• Week 35 Auntie Ruth (p. 162)
• Week 36 Worth It All (p. 169)
• Week 37 What Happens Here? (p. 173)
• Week 38 Touch (p. 178)
• Week 39 Ready Set, Go! (p. 183)
• Week 40 Living Fire (p. 187)
• Week 41 Enlarged Heart (p. 195)
• Acknowledgments (p. 197)
• Resources (p. 199)
• About the Author (p. 201)

Reviews provided by Syndetics

Kirkus Book Review

A mother recovering from the death of her newborn child experiences both hope and intense anxiety as she embarks on another pregnancy in this debut memoir. Chute, a photographer and artist, lost her second child, Zachary, just moments after his birth when he died of an inoperable heart tumor caused by a genetic abnormality called Tuberous Sclerosis Complex. After a period of anguish that included an episode in which she pounded her head against a wall and stabbed her palm with a golf tee, she immersed herself in a "Year of Distraction" through frenetic work. Then, after being reassured that Zachary's illness was not inherited, she became pregnant againand began a new ordeal, chronicled here in 40 week-by-week chapters. Chute's worry that the new pregnancy would also end in tragedy preoccupied her and made every doctor's appointment, ultrasound scan, and bodily twinge an agony of apprehension. Meanwhile, she tried to process the unfinished business of Zachary's death in a church-run mourning group where she found mainly a gruel of unhelpful platitudes; mothered her rambunctious 2-year-old daughter, Hannah; and tussled and bonded with her husband, Aaron, who was supportive but sometimes wounded her with his determination to get on with life. In this sometimes-fraught, sometimes-luminous work, Chute's narrative brings together in a roiling, deeply felt tangle maternal experiences that are usually separated, as the exhilaration of pregnancy and the exhausting happiness of raising a toddler are overshadowed by lingering grief and dread. It's an emotional roller coaster, with giddy anticipation turning on a dime into fretful, claustrophobic brooding and self-laceration. Chute's prose conveys the full force of her turmoil with powerful imagery"I felt that I would be like uncooked ground beef, bloody and grated, for the rest of my life"but keeps enough distance to probe and interrogate her feelings and gain a deeper understanding of them. A moving saga of motherhood in extremis that earns its moments of certainty and bliss through an honest grappling with pain and doubt. Copyright Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.